I am the fadstarter

So, I'm about to tell you, dear reader, about this fad I started, and I am predicting one of two outcomes: either you will have a good solid belly laugh at my expense and then immediately adopt the terms I'm going to set forth, or else you will have a good solid belly laugh at my expense and conclude that I am the biggest dork you have ever met and that I have way too much time on my hands. I wouldn't tell you about this fad -- which started as my dirty little secret -- in the first place, but recent events have indicated that I may not be so crazy after all. So here goes:

Every day when I get dressed (every day I'm thinking about it, of course, which is NOT every day), I run through a checklist to make sure I'm wearing the following:

1. Something old. This can be something I've had for a long time or something modern that I acquired second-hand, but a vintage item is my favorite way to satisfy this criterion.

2.) Something new. This can be something I bought new or a newish item I bought used; the point is that it's basically modern and I still feel like I'm sporting something fresh and novel.

3.) Something home-made. I am blessed with friends who are talented knitters, sew-ers, and jewelry-makers, so it's easy enough for me to do this without having to wear the same stocking cap all year round. It's just a comforting, lovely feeling to have something on your person all day long that someone took the time to create for you with their hands. Failing something made especially for me, I'm willing to settle for anything hand-crafted.

4.) Something slightly more fabulous than everything else I have on. If I'm wearing a hoodie and jeans, this could be fancy shoes. If I'm fully decked out already, I usually reverse it and wear something ultra-not-fabulous.

5.) Something clashing. Like opposite-of-the-color-wheel clashing, or at least not strictly accounted for in the rest of my outfit. Silk with tweed, orange with turquoise, and flowers with stripes all count towards this, to give you some idea. It can be small, but it has to be visible.

One item can satisfy multiple categories, but if it runs into three or four of them, it's time to re-raid your closet.

(insert belly laugh here)

You mock, but here's the thing: my cousin laughed her ass off when I first told her, then called me a week later to confess that she was doing it too. My favorite part about this story? She's an independent wardrobe consultant, which means She Dresses People For a Living. So now she gets paid for telling people to follow my five principles, and not by me. Another friend's mom heard my wackaloon theory, adopted the system and instructed her sister in it. So there you go. Maybe not so crazy after all.

If you do these five things -- which by the way are much easier to accomplish than you might think, you'll wear all that stuff that hasn't left your closet for months that you forgot you even had but don't have the heart to throw away. You won't feel the need for a lot of new clothes all the time, because you'll be wearing your own things in different ways. The "old" rule and the "homemade" rule make it pretty green, pretty much guaranteeing that at least part of your ensemble wasn't made far, far away by tiny, tiny hands -- plus, it keeps things unique. You won't try on six outfits and then walk out the door five minutes behind schedule and feeling uncomfortably blah, because you can wake up and say, "Let's see, what do I want to wear today? My purple socks" and you can build a whole outfit around that, just because they're new and they clash with your yellow pants, which are clearly fabulous with the blouse you made (the one that goes great with your grandmother's earrings). Best of all, since these five principles aren't tied to a particular fad, it won't be untrue as soon as the current trends go out of style, but instead adaptable to whatever it is you're into, regardless of your decade of birth, color season or body type.

I know, I know. But go look in the mirror. If you're still reading, you're probably already doing four out of five.