Dear Michigan Residents,
I'm sorry about all the snow we had last night. It was my fault. You see, in a few short months' time, I'll be moving to Virginia, and this is why our annual first-day-of-spring blizzard was even bigger and better than ever. The inclement weather is the consequence of Murphy's Law applied to my own exaggerated hatred of winter and snow.
I'm also sorry that it's Leap Year. I take full responsibility for this as well. February is, to my mind, the most insufferable time of year to be in Michigan. As this was the last February I will be spending in Michigan for the foreseeable future, the calendar saw fit to squeeze one more day into it this year.
I apologize for any inconvenience.
Yours sincerely,
etc.
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