For the record, I offered not to publish the following conversation, just in case the neighbs thought anyone who knows him personally would breakfast upon his testicles if they happened to stumble onto it, but he said it was okay.
Him: what are you doing right now?
Me: I thought I'd go buy some shoes.
Him: Mmmmwwuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh....
Me: No, seriously. I got rid of two pairs and I'm planning on replacing them with just one pair.
Him: Oh. I guess that's not so bad then.
Me: I'm also going to see if my favorite shoes can be repaired, and if they can't I might have to buy another pair to replace them.
Him: [with (mostly) genuine alarm] Not the ones with the kitten heel?!
Need I say more?
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