death to the weather

It's March now, thank the maker. Most people seem to think February has fewer days than any other month, but that's rubbish. February is the longest month of the year. It always finds a way to kick your ass. I can't explain it, but every February I think, this is the year February isn't going to be awful, and then it proves me wrong. So yay, March.

However, something still troubles me. I demand to know where all these weather proverbs come from. If the groundhog sees its shadow, six more weeks of winter. March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. April showers bring May flowers. This is a crock. I live in Michigan. None of these weather proverbs applies to me or anyone in my zip code. Nonetheless I hear people say these things, their voices quaking with desperate hope.

I don't know where whoever said those things the first time lived, but it wasn't here. News flash: whether or not the groundhog sees its shadow, Michigan is in for six more weeks of winter, maybe even six more months. March comes in like a lion and goes out much the same way. Any showers in April are more likely to bring about snowmen in May than flowers. Anyone who tells you different is a filthy liar and a jerk for trying to instill you with a false sense of spring being just around the corner and deserves to have his lights punched out.

According to some people, we're headed for the next ice age. So this might be the year spring never comes. I'm certainly not getting my hopes up and I recommend that you don't either, at least not yet, because you're only setting yourself up for the inevitable disappointment of several more months of crappy weather which, trust me, awaits us all.

This is the time of year I love to go to Meijer Gardens in Grand Rapids to soak up the ozony, greenhouse air, watch the first butterflies hatch and try not to step on the baby quails -- quite possibly nature's cutest edible -- breathe deeply, take my coat off, and listen to the almost-forgotten rustling of air moving through leaves. Any takers?