are you my ideal reader? take this easy quiz

"From this we may conclude that the literary work has two poles, which we might call the artistic and the aesthetic: the artistic pole is the author's text and the aesthetic is the realization accomplished by the reader. In view of this polarity, it is clear that the work itself cannot be identical with the text or with the concretization, but must be situated somewhere between the two. It must inevitably be virtual in character, as it cannot be reduced to the reality of the text or in the subjectivity of the reader, and it is from this virtuality that it derives its dynamism. As the reader passes through the various perspectives offered by the text and relates the different views and patterns to one another he sets the work in motion, and so sets himself in motion, too. -Wolfgang Iser, from The Act of Reading
[...]
"Nevertheless, no one would deny that there is such a being as a contemporary reader, and perhaps an ideal reader too, and it is the very plausibility of their existence that seems to substantiate the claims made on their behalf." -(idem.)

In consideration of this, I have chosen to take much of the guesswork out of this whole business for myself as a creator of discourse and you as a recipient of the same, and prepared the following simple questions in order to identify my ideal reader. If you'd be so kind as to complete it, we'll finally know: could it have been you all this time?

#1: What do you know about Roland Barthes?
a.) ...Barthes' work extended over many fields and he influenced the development of schools of theory including structuralism, semiology, existentialism, Marxism and post-blah blah blah...
b.) He was a French guy who killed authors. Can we talk about something else, please?
c.) Dude I totally saw him on Conan O'Brien.

#2: Which of the following could be considered surreal?
a.) a duck smoking a cigar and saying the word "quack"
b.) a duck smoking a cigar and saying the words "bag o' doughnuts"
c.) Ozzy Osbourne getting his own network television show

#3: What do you think of Wilco?
a.) I don't like listening to them, but I respect their music
b.) I like those guys, those guys are good
c.) I'm not really into country music

#4: Does this dress make me look fat?
a.) Not...exactly.
b.) Only in the sexiest possible way.
c.) I still can't get over Jennifer Lopez's enormous ass...enormous for Hollywood, I mean.

#5. Hablas español?
a.) So-Low oon pow-KEE-tow (nervous laugh)
b.) ¿a quién jijos le importa?
c.) If you're gonna come in my country you better learn to talk Amerrrrrrrcan.

Scoring: give yourself one point for every 'A' answer, two points for every 'B,' and three points for 'C.' Add them up. If your head hurts after doing this, have a stiff drink in my honor and go take a nice lengthy nap.

0-5 points: get off my blog, you pretentious asshole.

6-9 points: Hey you. No, you over there. I like-a you face-a. You can stay.

1o-15 points: Maybe you should have someone come over and help you turn off your computer now. Is there anybody here can give you a ride back to the Amoco station?

Congratulations, 6-9-pointers! You are perfectly average in every way, and therefore uniquely qualified to continue soaking up my outpourings of staggering wit and genius. Keep up the good work.